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| How To Keep A Long Distance Relationship |
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| Date: 04-May-2012 |
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Challenging and difficult, though they may not be what we want to hear, are the words that best describe long distance relationships. Keep in mind however, that the words are challenging and difficult, not impossible.
Many people choose to give a long distance relationship a try, with the constant curiosity if it was the right decision to make and if it even stands a chance. The truth is, a long distance relationship has just as much a chance of succeeding as any other relationship!
Before you give up on fanning the flames of your long-distance romance, consider employing these strategies to keep your long-distance love hot.
The first step is to make an agreement of what your expectations are in the relationship and how much of a commitment you are willing to give and receive. If the two of you decide to be monogamous, then it is clear that neither of you will be dating anyone else as long as your romantic relationship exists. Being clear about what you both want is extremely important, especially in a long distance relationship, in order to prevent future misunderstandings and mistakes. Do not feel afraid to tell your partner what you really need and want from him or her, you deserve the chance to speak from your heart and he or she deserves to know the truth and judge whether they can give it to you.
Whether it’s by phone, email, or, better yet, Skype, you and your mate must openly communicate about and mutually agree upon the ground rules and terms of your relationship.
2. Discuss a mutually agreed-upon end goal for your relationship. In order for a long-distance relationship to survive, both parties need to feel that there is a light at the end of the tunnel, so to speak. When setting your end goal, make sure it’s one you both understand and on which you both agree. “Never establish an end goal thinking or hoping that you will change your partner’s mind along the way. Thinking or hoping your partner will move back or propose, for example, only sets you up for disappointment and resentful feelings.”
3. Avoid excessive communicating. While speaking to your partner every day may feel like the best way to stay close, Lorraine actually cautions against such frequent chat-fests. “I recommend having only one scheduled hour (or longer) phone call a week,” she explains. “By doing this, you’ll have more exciting updates to share and you’ll be much more excited and enthusiastic to talk to each other because you’ve been anticipating that phone date all week.” If one hour a week sounds too little to comprehend — and, if we’re being honest, it does to us! — at the very least try giving yourself a day in between calls. Less-frequent communication will not only keep you from growing dependent on each other, but also will provide you both with the freedom to grow independently and have your own lives and hobbies.
4. Alternate visits on each other’s turfs. Whenever possible, try to keep the efforts you both put forth traveling to see each other equal, ideally alternating visits to each other’s places. “This plan ensures you will spend the same amount of time becoming parts of each other’s lives and getting to know each other’s friends,” she explains. “If one person is doing all the traveling, this can not only create an unhealthy and unbalanced relationship, but it can also lead to a partner’s resentment.” If you’re lucky enough to be able to visit each other, make the most of it and do it in equal amounts!
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5. Keep it sexy and spicy. Because time together is rare, when you do see each other, take as much advantage as possible of your ability to get intimate with each other. “Make sure your roommates or friends know your partner is going to be in town and keep the ‘Do Not Disturb’ sign up!” Lorraine suggests. During those stretches when you can’t be with each other physically, use it as an opportunity to write a few old-fashioned love letter. Another idea: use technology to go on “dates” together. For example, watch the same movie at the same time and discuss on the phone after. Or make dinner and then eat together via Skype. There’s no reason to miss out on some of the better parts of dating completely just because you’re not physically together.
6. Live your life! One of the keys to surviving a long-distance relationship is to make sure you maintain your life, friendships and interests when your partner is away. For Anna and Jacob, their obsessive focus on finding a way to be together doesn’t allow them much time to cultivate other relationships and friendships. “Many people in long-distance relationships have their whole lives wrapped up in their partner, which leaves them terribly depressed when the partner leaves,” Lorraine notes. “This dependency stunts your personal growth, which will later take its toll on your relationship.” To ensure that you don’t lose sight of your goals and your life, use your separation as an opportunity to focus on your career or schooling without distraction and take advantage of your time away from your partner to develop strong friendships. “Being in a long-distance relationship actually offers a wonderful benefit that a close physical relationship does not: you can both continue to grow and richen your lives independently of each other while still being in a partnership,” Lorraine asserts. “If handled correctly, each partner can become much more productive and well-developed, and will have more to bring to the relationship in the end.”
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| Source: Thefrisky.com |
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